The project manager
The project manager is secure, has clear frameworks, and values structure and routine more highly than surprises.
But even if you as the “project manager” have rules, you are not authoritarian. Your child will find your project manager style predictable, warm and secure. Your child always knows where they stand with the project manager.
The strongest side of this parenting style is that you take clear responsibility as an adult. In stressful situations, the project manager will take clear leadership, and be slightly more instructive and possibly less flexible. This means that you might be somewhat less open to negotiating with your child. You take responsibility and will therefore be seen as secure.
If you as a parent are used to sorting things out and taking “leadership", you should maybe check what your child thinks and feels and be curious about what resistance they might show.
Things to keep in mind
- Why don’t they want to go to bed?
- When your child protests, try to see whether you can stop and notice what is happening without distracting them. You can say: “Oh, this got a bit difficult, didn’t it?”.
- Maybe find out what happens if you let your child decide where to eat dinner one day, and actually agree to it, no matter how crazy it is (have dinner out in the rain/snow, or maybe in a home-made pillow fort). Join in as an adult in something that is outside your routine.
If you find, for example, that your child shows emotions you think are difficult to tap into or understand, there are several programmes that can give you more insight and understanding. These are programmes aimed at all parents, even those who aren’t experiencing major problems, but who just want to become more aware of themselves in their parental role and want to gain new perspectives on their child.
Tuning in to kids (TiK) is a great programme to learn about different ways to meet your child. What’s so great about this programme is that it makes parents more resilient to deal with all types of emotions with their child. Anger, anxiety, sadness and frustration. Programmes such as COS-P and ICDP will also be useful.
And remember: Your child won’t be harmed by you not understanding what they feel at all times. It can also be a good idea to think in what way you as a parent deal with and cope with
difficult feelings and challenges in your life. Because children learn from the way we as parents handle situations and take this with them further in life.